Who’s in Charge Here Anyway!?

"Remember when you used to feed Avery with those?" Haylee blurted out while pointing at my chest.

"Ummm, yes. Be quiet, please."

"And remember how she used to bite them!?" Giggle, giggle, snort.

Apparently this is the sort of discussion five year old girls have at places like, oh I don't know, Cub Scout Pack meeting. I'm glad it was our first one. I mean, we wouldn't want people to think our children were polite or appropriate. Luckily we were surrounded by friends who didn't turn around or bat an eye, so either we have really nice friends or ones who were completely engrossed in the impromptu skits. Okay, or friends who are completely used to the insanity that is Haylee.

Whatever the reason, her declaration still sent me into a panic. You know the kind. The ones where you do anything you can to distract them for fear they'll launch into another embarrassing anecdote.

She turned five yesterday. This has sparked some sort of insane obsession with humor. She suddenly thinks she's old enough to tell jokes as opposed to just being funny because she's, well, five.

"Hey Mom, can I have a sip of that?" she asks while inhaling a Dilly Bar at Dairy Queen (she was referring to my lemonade chiller).

"Uh, no. Eat your ice cream."

"But I'm SO thirsty!"

"Too bad."

"But you don't want your Birthday girl to die, DO YOU!?" Giggle, giggle, snort.

Well, no, so if you pass out I'll go get you a glass of water. I didn't say the words out loud. She'd probably tell people. So instead I just stared at her. Okay, and I laughed. But I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was so obsessed with my lemonade that I let my Birthday girl pass out from excessive thirst. Would you? She ended up drinking like a third of my lemonade.

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being manipulated?

Seriously, tell me what you think.